This Mistake Teaches Your Toddler To Ignore You - Babies Development

If you have to repeat the same thing 10 times and eventually raise your voice before your toddler will listen, here's what to do instead.

It's easy to fall into a pattern that actually teaches your toddler that this is just the normal way of doing things.

In a way they become trained to ignore you the first few times and wait until you show them you're really serious before they pay attention.

That's never fun.

It's stressful for you as a parent and that stress can transfer to your little one as well.

So what do you do about it? There are actually 7 steps you can take to get your toddler to listen the first time.

Each of these steps are quite easy to build into your behavior and they work really well as long as you're consistent.

There may be some resistance at first, but these are all really gentle techniques (no yelling required) that will dramatically improve your toddlers listening over time.

Hopefully it's not long until your toddler no longer ignores you when you ask them to do something!

This Mistake Teaches Your Toddler To Ignore You

First Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling

If you find that you always need to raise your voice or ask over and over again before your toddler will listen to you, it might be because you've actually trained them to do it.

Now, you might be thinking, "That's ridiculous.

I try to teach them to listen to me, not to ignore me.

But just bear with me as I explain because although no one deliberately teaches their toddler to ignore them, it's really easy to fall into a pattern of behavior that does so unintentionally.

Here's a quick example.

Often when we ask our toddlers to do something, it goes something like this.

You calmly ask your toddler to do something and you continue what you're doing.

Not long after, you notice they haven't done as you asked.

So you calmly ask again and maybe a little bit more firmly this time and you give them a minute.

Then you notice once again that they still haven't done as you've asked and frustration kicks in and naturally you raise your voice or your tone changes into your serious voice as you walk over to them and you stand over them until they do as you ask.

If this is what happens every time, your clever little toddler is soon going to recognize the pattern, which is it isn't until you raise your voice and you've asked them multiple times that they actually have to follow through with the request.

They learn that they don't actually need to respond until that point.

So if you want to change this behavior and get them to listen and respond the first time, there are a few things you need to do.

First of all, there should be a consequence if they don't listen the first time.

Not the third or fourth time, it needs to happen the first time.

Second Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling 

Now, putting consequences in place isn't enough.

In order for them to be effective, you need to be in the position to give your toddler your full attention when you ask them to do something.

You should avoid asking them to do things when you are distracted or busy doing another task because you need to be able to ensure those consequences take effect if they don't listen.

Third Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling 

In addition to you being fully present with your toddler, you also need to make sure your toddler is fully present with you.

Now, I know that is hard because toddlers are so easily distracted, but you need to have their full attention.

And that may mean that you need to turn off or pause devices or physically pick up the toys that they are playing with to get their attention.

Fourth Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling 

Once you have your toddler's attention, crouch down so that you are level with them and then give them the instruction.

And as your toddler is still learning what words mean, it's really important to keep those instructions short and to tell your toddler what you would like them to do.

So try and avoid telling them what not to do.

For example, if they're doing something you don't want them to do, don't say, "Stop doing that!" or "Don't touch that!" What you will find is that you'll actually get a much better response if you tell them what you would like them to do instead of telling them what not to do.

So, for example, you might say to your little one, "Please put that back on the shelf and choose one of your other toys over there to play with" or "It's time to pack away now.

Please put your cars back in the box.

Before we cover what you should do next, while we're on the topic of your toddler learning to talk, if you haven't already, make sure you click on the link below to get the free Communication Milestone Chart which will give you an invaluable piece of mind as you'll know how many words you should be expecting from your little one, as well as how clear their speech should be from one year of age all the way up to four years of age.

In addition to telling your toddler what to do, you want to make sure that you avoid phrasing your instructions or requests as questions as your toddler may feel like they have the option to say no.

So for example, if you need to get in the car to go to the shops, instead of saying, "Do you want to go for a car ride?" simply say, "It's time to get in the car.

Also, as you may have already noticed, toddlers are strong-willed individuals and they want to exert some independence and feel in control so you can help them feel like they have some sense of control by simply telling them what's going to happen next.

Just telling them what they can expect can make a really big difference in their overall behavior.

And in addition to this, if you need them to do something that they don't want to do, you can try and follow that non-desirable activity with something that you know they will enjoy and tell them about that desirable activity that is coming up.

So for example, most toddlers hate picking up their toys and are likely to resist or complain if you were to say, "Time to pack up your toys.

But if you were to tweak that slightly and say, "First, pack up your toys and then park," your toddler is much more likely to pack up those toys quickly with minimal complaints.

Fifth Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling 

After you've asked your toddler to do something, make sure you give them time to process what you have said and respond and let your toddler know that you are waiting by simply looking at them while you remain close by.

Sixth Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling 

Now, if your toddler doesn't respond to your request, maybe they just didn't understand what you expect from them.

So make sure you model the desired behavior to help them understand.

So let's use the example of asking your toddler to pack up their toys again.

You can model this by getting the toy box and putting one of the toys into the box.

Then you pause and wait for them to copy your action and start putting the toys away.

And when they start putting the toys away, make sure you praise them by saying something like, "Great work putting the blue car in the box.

Final Step to Getting Your Toddler to Listen Without the Need for Yelling 

Now, if your toddler still doesn't respond to your instruction even with that modeling, make sure you pause and then explain to them what the consequences are for not following through with your instructions.

So for example, if your toddler throws their car and you say to them, "We don't throw cars.

We drive cars along the floor and if you don't play safely with the cars, then Mommy's going to put them away.

And if they continue to throw cars, then you act promptly and calmly and state, You're not playing safely with the cars and now the cars are going away.

And then you pick up all the cars and put them in a box and out of reach.

In this case, the actual consequence of not following through with your instructions is that the toys actually get put away because they're no longer playing safely.

Now, just a little warning here.

If you are in a pattern where you have to yell before your toddler listens to you and you aren't currently using consequences, then this will probably be quite difficult when you first try it.

Following through with consequences will most likely lead to your toddler protesting and crying, but the key is consistency and following through.

It's important for them to know that when you say something, you will follow through and it may take a little time, but if you follow all of these steps and, most importantly, you are consistent, your toddler will start to respond the first time you ask them to do something and you will avoid the need to resort to yelling.

And this will make for a happier household and a toddler who has less tantrums.

Now, if you want to further reduce the number of tantrums your toddler is having, then make sure you check out this article next where I share the most common triggers for toddler tantrums and most importantly, 10 tips that you can do right now to reduce the number of tantrums your little one is having each day.